Heard of the bestselling book ‘The Mask of Masculinity’ by entrepreneur and celebrated podcast host Lewis Howes? Well, you should have. Howes is a multi-millionaire, and in 2017, his theories on male archetypes radically changed the game. He laid bare the 9 types of male masks we all know, socialize with, work alongside…and date. Howes confronts the pressure men face to assume one of these masks, in order to be understood.
As a dating expert, I coach my clients to fully understand themselves, before they consider who they want to meet. Wearing a mask, and hiding their true identity, is destroying their dating life. Because when masks are worn by men as a form of protection, they are also a barrier to potential suitors.
So what does your mask communicate to the women you flirt with or want to date? What does your mask reveal to your potential soulmate? Is the mask you’re wearing the reason you’re not finding love?
The Joker Mask
So you’re the funny, doesn’t-take-life-too-seriously, last man standing kind of guy? We’ve all met you and wiped away tears of laughter as you entertain us. But joker, what are your gags saying to the potential soulmate you just met? Are you, the eternal joker, someone who can commit? If you don’t take anything seriously, can you be a secure, reliable life-partner? You’re loveable because everything is a joke but your chance to find love shouldn’t be a joking matter too.
The Material Mask
Perhaps an identity all men secretly aspire to at some point in their life. These types of men are goal -orientated, top earners, and big spenders. But being able to afford expensive things won’t necessarily buy you a soulmate. If you splash the cash too much on dates, you risk demonstrating an emphasis on wealth over meaningful connections. In love, you must learn to show emotions without reaching for your wallet.
The Stoic Mask
So you’re the stoic type – chilled, reliable and brave. You don’t want to make a fuss about your feelings…or anything for that matter. But in relationships, if you never show emotion, women won’t know if you’re emotionally available. And if you bottle things up, or fail to confront that painful past, your potential soulmate may feel pushed aside. It’s only human to vent or complain – let her know you’re not a robot.
The Invincible Mask
Feel superhuman and want people to know about it? Adult women looking for love know there’s no such thing. Your potential soulmate doesn’t want a risk-taker; they want security. The invincible man is usually childlike and fearless but if you want to be taken seriously, it’s time to return to earth and start growing up.
The Aggressive Mask
Not afraid of a bar brawl in order to win the girl? Perhaps it makes you feel macho but aggressive tactics are risky in dating. The aggressive man is unpredictable and unreliable. Learn to navigate feelings of protectiveness and address painful past relationships. Because when a woman considers dating an aggressive man who can’t do that, there’s a good chance she’ll get hurt.
The Athlete Mask
Athleticism is attractive but come on guys, we’re not in high school anymore. No one wants to date a jock. There’s a misconception that sportsmen always score the ladies but in reality, it can be off-putting. Are you overly competitive? Are you a gym rat who spends most of his waking hours working out to perfect those bulging muscles? Remember to show your soulmate you can be a team-player on and off the pitch if you want to win in love.
The Sexual Mask
Sexual attraction is really important in dating and relationships. But meaningful connections don’t have to always be physical ones. Being too promiscuous will set alarm bells ringing. If you struggle to be monogamous, don’t be surprised if women give you the cold-shoulder. Don’t use sex to add value to yourself and your relationship; there’s far more to you than that.
The Know-it-all Mask
Intelligence is appealing and knowledge is a powerful form of attraction. But know-it-all men often don’t know where to draw the line between educating and patronizing. You don’t have to teach someone something new every chance you get to show off your intellectual endowment in order to engage them. Revealing something about yourself can be just as stimulating. You might be the brightest spark in most rooms but there’s always room to learn and listen.
The Alpha Mask
So you’re a top-dog, type A personality? To women, an alpha male is not only the biggest presence in a room, they’re also often the most risky to date. Alpha men may think they’re taking charge but it routinely comes off as taking control. Women want to feel protected, not dominated. So if you’re overly alpha don’t be surprised if you get bumped for a beta.
Masks help us understand and categorize the people we meet and date. But be cautious about using disguises to cover up who you truly are. Authenticity is the best mask you’ll ever wear.
~ Love you more ❤️