A series of relationship ‘failures’ is largely what drives clients to get in touch with me. Men often ask, “Kolline, what did I do wrong in this past relationship?”. As a dating coach, I understand how complex, nuanced and deeply personal finding love can be. So in coaching, I try not to focus on what they’ve done wrong, but instead, on what they haven’t done right.
From my years of experience in matchmaking, I’ve mastered a simple 3 step guide to approaching and nurturing a new or existing relationship: READY, SET, GO.
Because making some basic checks can make the difference in why a relationship launch is a long term success or a surefire ‘failure’.
YOU’RE NOT READY
The first thing I ask clients to do, long before they’ve even met their soulmate, is to check if they’re READY for a relationship. This is a fundamental step in eventually being part of a relationship that is successful and long lasting. It is so vital that you consider your readiness independently of a potential suitor – don’t let temptation cloud your judgement.
Ask yourself, am I ready to date at this present moment? Is this practical for me, emotionally and logistically? If you’re about to embark on a project at work which requires you to travel extensively or move out of town, is this the best time to invite someone into your life? Are you, for some reason, still involved with someone romantically? Delaying dating can sometimes be the smartest move my clients make. You often only have one chance to make the best, first impression on your dream woman – make it count by making sure you’re ready.
YOU HADN’T PROPERLY SET
The second check assumes you’ve already met your next partner and have been dating for some weeks or months. This step is for you and her to make together. Have you both considered whether you’re SET for a relationship?
Have you spoken about what you both want for the future? More importantly, do you know where you’re both coming from – or at least have some basic understanding of each other’s past? You should be checking in with how well you communicate and deeply explore your compatibility. Although it might not feel this way, you’re setting the core values and boundaries for your future. Ask yourself the big questions – do we trust each other? Do we complement each other? Is the match a balanced one? I teach clients to be honest, transparent and let their guards down, because your soulmate will in turn do the same. I meet men who were so quick to rush into a serious relationship, that they forgot to enjoy and appreciate the value of early, casual dating. This time for you and your potential partner to get set for the future is paramount.
YOU DIDN’T GO THE DISTANCE
This final step assumes you and your dream woman have decided to commit to each other and a relationship is in full GO. For many men, this change in pace can often be where relationships tend to crack and fall apart.
So now you’re in motion, ask yourself if you’re both moving at the same pace. Is someone trailing behind or do they seem distracted? Do you both feel supported and are you adhering to the boundaries you agreed before you both embarked on the relationship? It’s never too late to reflect on the earlier stages of dating and what you’ve learned about each other. Are you both making time for each other? Do you still communicate in the way you once did or is that flailing? Look back properly at where you’ve come from and consider whether you feel it’s moving in the direction you’d hoped, or if it’s stalling slightly. Slowing down can sometimes be the best way to speed things up.
And next time you wonder why your relationship failed to properly launch, or lost momentum midway through – ask yourself if you were ready? Did you both get properly set? Or did you go too soon?
Love you more ❤️